February 2005

I work in a field that thinks of itself as new. There are constantly debates going on about what we call ourselves, the people who try to make cyberspace easy to use, a good experience, a positive interaction. I rarely follow these debates as they are inherently navel gazing and I am fairly loathe to that kind of behavior.

Well, this thread seemed interesting. I don’t know why it was different. It seemed like there was real thought going into the dialogue. People were saying things that made you think they had gotten beyond their job insecurity and looked into the real question. Once that was done, you could have an honest discussion.

One of the honest things that was said was that none of us is really an expert. We are all exploring together and we have to bring whatever gifts to it we have to bring. What ever way you have of understanding the world could help another person or group of people understand it as well. Some people call it working in infospace, all of the information, so much information. We need signs to navigate this vast array of space that is hard to visualize but makes so many things so instant.

So most of the time I just think of my profession as first doing no harm, but once in awhile you get the chance to really help. That’s a good day.

I was inspired while thinking about this and meditating on the discussion of my peers by a quote by a man who wrote a booked called information architects and that is what i am.

I’m undergoing a fairly significant physical change right now. I’m in the process of losing 100 lbs. This is my quest for health and physical well-being. It feels good to be healthy. That’s the thing that they forget to tell you.

I’m sure I’ll talk about that more, but it’s not the main point of my entry today.

On Saturday, for the last time, I went to my favorite clothing store and had one last spending spree. I won’t be able to go there anymore. I am now wearing the smallest size they carry. I will soon be thrust out into the complex world of clothing organized by brand, obscurely named deparments and stores scattered throughout the malls and downtowns of my city, no my two cites and their suburbs. This terrifies me.

I have had the luxury and the simple pleasure of not having too many choices for the last decade. My store catered perfectly to me and my demographic. Flawlessly executed fashion for the ‘big girl’. These clothes are inexpensive, always on sale, fashionable and gasp sold in outfits. They make you feel pretty again even though you are fat. I can say that because I was quite fat.

Now this safe haven is gone. I don’t know of any stores like this in the world of non-obese women. I haven’t had to go there for a long time. But that’s over. I have to go there next time. It’s got a name this anxiety I feel. It’s called the paradox of choice. Too many. It can really create a problem. I just want some skirts, some shirts, some outfits, simple. However, if the retailers don’t appropriately disorient me I will exercise more self control over my purchase and that is not in their best interest.

So with significant trepidation I await the day when my size 14 clothes will simply be too big and I will be thrust into this very complicated place that I don’t want to go. So many things have changed in my life. This physical transformation has caused a cascading effect of many positive outcomes. It has sparked other things. I am happier. So I can’t worry too much about how I’ll find fashionable clothes at more than one store. It is after all an adventure. This whole thing is an adventure. I highly recommend it.

So as I start to incorporate blogging into my weekly/every-other-day routine I suspect it is going to be one of those kinds of things that perpetuates itself. As I have posted more, I have told more people about this form of communication that I have open to the world from me. As more people find out I am reminded more frequently that I need to feed it. Feed the blog, feed the blog. People want to read more, feed the blog.

I am overwhelmed by how many things I want to do. However, there are only so many hours in a day and only so many interests one has time for. We’ve got work, family, friends and everything else that takes time and energy to deal with in this modern world.

You have to set priorities to make sure you get time for the things you really want to be doing. I can drift into a place of responsibility. When this happens I make sure I am 110% dedicated to my work life, but then I tend to let other things slide. I have to be disciplined with myself and maintain a balance.

There’s only so much time.

My friend Jon talks about the relative quality of a movie in terms of this notion of time. Like movies he would definitely not watch again because he was never getting that time back in his life.

So I guess it’s really just about paying attention. We need to pay attention to our lives and then, when we are there, living out loud, cognizant of all that we do, we can earn our rewards. Pick a few things, focus on those and don’t worry about the rest. Be disciplined about doing what makes you happy. I know that sounds contradictory but it’s just too easy to forget. We are all able to contribute, don’t get swept up in the hoopla, take a deep breath, open your eyes and make use of the time you have. Make use because it is precious because there is so little time.

I always have a hard time in January. It’s a cold, dark, depressing month. Even though my birthday is smack dab in the middle of it, I still struggle. Today when I woke up and realized it was February it lifted my spirits. We are crawling toward spring. This is good news.

This January was particularly tough because I started a new job in which I work from home. Now the working from home part is fantastic. But working from home in January was a bit of a shock to my mental state. I barely got out of the house to see anyone during the week. A big part of that is the fact that it was January. It’s just harder. If you live in another part of the country or the world where it isn’t mind numbingly cold during the winter this might be hard to understand but if you live in this kind of climate, you probably feel my pain.

So as the days pass and get longer, it warms up. And we crawl toward a more palatteable weather pattern that doesn’t have such an oppressing affect on the brain. I’m happier today, it’s February and the winter will be a memory soon because spring will wash it all away.